I am in desperate need for junk food. I look at the oranges in the fridge and the perfectly ripe bananas (no green at all on the stem end and evenly speckled with brown dots but not yet mushy) on the counter and I feel nothing for them.
I want a Snickers bar, or some Oreos, or a box of chocolate-covered toffee popcorn. I could make some pudding, but my milk is low. I could go for a big slice of devil's food cake or a huge handful of radioactive-cheese-coated Doritos.
A root beer float might do it, or some chocolate chip cookies or maybe even a frozen pot pie. You know the ones, the super cheap ones that go on sale for 3 for a dollar and have like three peas and four chunks of carrot, two tiny bites of chicken and tons of gravy and that fattening crust, in the little tin pan we used to put on the floor for the dog to lick when we were done.
Or if I had some cold leftover pizza, that might help, or maybe a box of rosemary and olive oil flavored Triscuits. I'd even settle for a can of Spaghettios. With meatballs.
But I don't have any of that. I have some pretzels (not enough fat), some vanilla wafer cookies (store-bought cookies need chocolate to be passable, with the exception of Fig Newtons. Oh, why did I have to think of Fig Newtons?), and some leftover Christmas candy, the kind that looks like little pillows and millefiori beads. No good at all. No good at all.
I think I'll go make a cup of tea. And eat an orange while I wait.
