Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dire Straits

I have no chocolate in my house. I have no potato chips. The ice cream flavor of the week--Maple Nut, was a mistake. It calms no cravings.

I am in desperate need for junk food. I look at the oranges in the fridge and the perfectly ripe bananas (no green at all on the stem end and evenly speckled with brown dots but not yet mushy) on the counter and I feel nothing for them.

I want a Snickers bar, or some Oreos, or a box of chocolate-covered toffee popcorn. I could make some pudding, but my milk is low. I could go for a big slice of devil's food cake or a huge handful of radioactive-cheese-coated Doritos.

A root beer float might do it, or some chocolate chip cookies or maybe even a frozen pot pie. You know the ones, the super cheap ones that go on sale for 3 for a dollar and have like three peas and four chunks of carrot, two tiny bites of chicken and tons of gravy and that fattening crust, in the little tin pan we used to put on the floor for the dog to lick when we were done.

Or if I had some cold leftover pizza, that might help, or maybe a box of rosemary and olive oil flavored Triscuits. I'd even settle for a can of Spaghettios. With meatballs.

But I don't have any of that. I have some pretzels (not enough fat), some vanilla wafer cookies (store-bought cookies need chocolate to be passable, with the exception of Fig Newtons. Oh, why did I have to think of Fig Newtons?), and some leftover Christmas candy, the kind that looks like little pillows and millefiori beads. No good at all. No good at all.

I think I'll go make a cup of tea. And eat an orange while I wait.


  1. Those beads are beautiful, and you are a fantastic writer. Did the cravings pass? I've eaten my fair share of sweet stuff, and savoury today. My oyster rice didn't turn out so well. Two plus, Two minuses. Maybe I will perfect it soon. You probably won't believe me, but when I have a craving for chocolate and I really want to stop it, raw carrot sometimes helps, and I don't mean as a substitute dildo ;) The convenience store is around the corner, the supermarket a five minute walk. I am totally doomed if I have cravings, which is most of the time. They (a woman at work) say that a craving for something sweet sometimes means you want something salty. It does seem to work in cancelling out the other... Blather from me. Loved the post (and the beads).

  2. hee hee. Really dire state.
    Sometimes I get craving for something sweet so bad. I generally keep caramel ice cream in home but that does not help when I want something specific like sheera or cake with lots of icing etc. It's like my brain can't function until I satisfy the craving. It's bad and that's why even though I feel sick after eating cake with eggs I have to eat it.
    i have beaten that sick feeling from the caramel ice cream thigh which is surprising. I can tell 70% of times if the dessert contained eggs as I would feel sick afterwards. So I am not sure it's an allergy or just mental block against eggs.